I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
