so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
No subtext here. People are naked.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
