Please don't use social media to get back at me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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