Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
