I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You can't just leave with hair like that
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
