New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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