are you still at the devil's house?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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