did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
someone owes me an orgasm
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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