how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
