Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
