and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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