i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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