I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
