And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
