Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So vagazzling was a success
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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