I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
please don't ironically join a cult
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