We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
