The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
