i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
There's always time for handjobs
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I touched a dick in church today
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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