Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
