Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
