happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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