went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
