evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
