I am spending my child support on dildos
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
