My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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