why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
