i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
its not stalking. its research.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
