so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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