so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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