I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
