I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
