i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
