hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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