This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There r osticjed everywhere
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
