filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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