And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
