I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
