note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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