this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
