I wish I could punch you in the face.
i think i have herpe
just one?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
