There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
