i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize