I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
