My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
