Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
