Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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