so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
