I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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