Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
