im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I touched a dick in church today
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