don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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