he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize