I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize