I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
