Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
