cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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