Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
