I heard we made out
I can text with my tongue
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
