but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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