so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
