I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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