There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
