She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
