While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize