im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
