So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
