take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
