just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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