in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize