Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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