So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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