Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
