but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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