Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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