he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
