so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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