the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
