so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize