I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
