Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize