did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
no, he came in my armpit
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
