Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
